BE POSITIVE

Being positive- is it a state of mind or situations? 

Being positive as per my understanding means the attitude with which you live in the world and face your own insecurities. We have so many personality types - positive, negative, introvert, extrovert, dominant, submissive - psychologists will be able to build the classification tree better. I would rather look at it from my own view of life which I have lived and aspired for. I believe that positive traits are definitely inherent but can also be acquired through training. We just have to realise that our minds are swathes of unexplored territory. Areas of our brain are still virgin and unused - they remain so till our death. Scientist have proven this in the pristine controlled environs of the laboratory. So the negative traits which inhabit our minds can be overridden by the positives which we can cultivate. The way towards this is mindful living and conscious actions. When we live most of our lives consciously we become aware of everything that we as humans are experiencing. Being conscious of our actions and our thoughts is the first and the ultimate step to changing our personalities. When we catch ourselves doing something which is not very appealing we can divert and steer ourselves towards more desirable thought processes. Every time we nip a negative process and allow a positive one to prevail we prune and tame our personal traits. Its like weeding out the undesirables and providing ample sunshine to the desirables to grow and flourish. I do this and most of the times am able to draw myself back from the brink. Whenever I catch myself in an unhappy territory I change direction and move towards happier thoughts, things, people, events, future plans and lo and behold! I am in a happy place. But a very important prerequisite for such utopian situations is the absence of external negative factors - mostly people. Such draining entities need to be shown the exit door. As I always tell my Mother-in-law we have the choice to pick people to be part of our lives irrespective of the fact whether we are born or married into a certain group. An average life span of 70 years which when deconstructed doesn’t leave much scope for self harm through unwanted associations. That small portion of our lives needs a selfish outlook on our behalf. Selfish as in a greed for happiness and peace of mind.

IT'S AN UNEQUAL WORLD!

The world proves time and again that it was created equal but nurtured unequal by throwing nirbhayas at us relentless. So many candles have burnt out in taking out candle marches. So many petitions filed and heard. So many protests lodged. But where do we find ourselves today? Again facing the stark reality that a lone woman is just an easy sexual prey. 

We want our girls to be independent and empowered. But as a mother of a fairly smart and intelligent girl I wonder what is the point. I can equip her in whichever way she chooses but what can I teach her that will save her life if she's stranded with a punctured scooty on a lonely road? What can she do if four debauched men decide to overpower her? It leaves me numb with worry to even acknowledge that I can't protect her enough. That even if she knows self defence she will still be at risk. That even if she is a doctor and working as hard as any other human being she would still be a sex object. That even if she can drive a car or ride a scooty she will be pounced upon. That even if she has a plethora of laws to guarantee her safety there will be men who would fearlessly go ahead with their nefarious plans.

We can not reduce such crimes to candle marches and demonstrations in front of police stations. We cannot lay all the blame on the government and the system. Yes the system needs to be more stringent, expedient and merciless as far as the conviction and execution of punishment to the rapists is concerned. But we as a society need to raise more manly men. As mothers we need to teach our sons that our daughters and others' daughters are also born equal. Its not the who women need to be empowered, they are way too strong, though their strength doesn't show in their physiques. I feel its the men who need to empowered to be able to handle such strong women. Their failures and their miserable pathetic lives stare them in the face when they see a successful, good looking and confident woman leading a good life. 

Strong laws which don't differentiate between juveniles and adults in acts of sexual violence (if he can get it up and knows what to do with an erection then he bloody well face the consequences), a society which is much more sensitive to the existence of the significant half of the population, women who teach the men under them to be better human beings and looking beyond the sexual identity of women could possibly preserve dignities and save lives of our girls.

TURNING A BLIND EYE

                                                       
Nature seems to be at its ferocious worst. Climate and local weather patterns are all going crazy not following the recorded data of decades. Are these warning signs which we humans are choosing to ignore or are they just another shift in the climatic conditions of the atmosphere? After all nothing can remain the same for ever. Change does happen.
My understanding is that this is bound to happen in due course of time. History of the Earth shows that it has bore witness to catastrophic events in the past which have forced all life forms to start afresh categorically those which have survived. It has been approximately 66 million years since the last disaster so the next one could be well on its way. My only concern is that our apathy towards nature and smug global growth powered by competition has accelerated the process. Warning signs are everywhere. Nature lovers and concerned organisations are doing their bit to repair the damage but sadly their efforts will come to nought if the governments of the world don't join hands. If the global growth machinery doesn't slow down small efforts in reducing individual carbon footprints will just be smaller carbon footprints in the sand.
The balm to soothe the mercilessly gored planet will come from judicious use of human intellect! Instead of finding ways and means to out do the other and have an upwards moving growth curve we should aim for equitable distribution and sensible use of resources at our disposal. Instead of 'wants' 'needs' should be addressed. Growth has to be sustainable even if we have to lower its speed. One Greta Thunberg will only become an award winning child activist, attending conferences and being applauded, if the action doesn't shift from individuals to nations (even those headed by foolhardy leaders)!

MADE IN HEAVEN.........

Marriages are made in heaven but solemnised on earth and witnessed by a crowd of people! Especially in India a marriage is not just between two consenting and 'very much in love' couple but between huge tentacled families and friends. Everybody is a stakeholder in the newfound relationship. Everybody has a say in the fortnight long (in the days of yore it was month long) medley of events. So its not just a union of a man and a woman but the creation of a united estate of strangers.

Before the actual ceremony the parents are the work horses. Getting everything ready - acquiring, gleaning and recovering information from around and within them so as not to leave any stone unturned lest stones of criticism are pelted on them for not having done enough. It is an unbroken cycle of purchases and list-making. and the parents are the guinea pigs who ride these cycles like lab rats - to be let off only once the unification is complete! 

The real work to keep the marriage healthy - alive and kicking- rests with the newly christened 'the husband' and 'the wife'. Their union was destined because God had already booked them for each other long before they were born. The panditji did the formal authorisation after a test by fire and the parents bore witness to the deed. Now it is their turn to pay the dividends by way of happiness and grandkids. 

Its the quintessential Hindu wedding. This is how its done in run-of-the-mill weddings (can't say about the new formats in the market today). But then even after following laid down rules there is always scope for trouble. Its not a cake walk for two individuals from absolutely different ecosystems to adapt to each other. Marriage requires lot of work and patience and the commitment to earnestly try for it to succeed. You grow into a marriage and blossom only when you give each other space and preserve your individuality. Two bodies and one soul- nope doesn't work that way....two bodies, two souls housed in one convivial home! Thats my understanding of a marriage.

A TIGER MAY LOOSE ITS STRIPES BUT NEVER ITS NATURE

                   A TIGER MAY LOOSE ITS STRIPES BUT NEVER ITS NATURE

This means that come what may one's nature is an unchangeable part of ones personality. I wanted to examine this. Is it really so? Do we have no control over who we intrinsically are? Can we never be what we desire to be just because we have a nature which does not lend itself to any tampering? Well I think and believe differently. Human will and determination have to be given some importance. If a person so desires and is willing to put in the effort he can shed his stripes and his nature.
This may sound a bit far fetched but small changes over time will lead to an alteration of personality traits. Whenever you feel that a certain facet of your nature is hampering your growth and comes in the way of true happiness you can do something about it. The key lies in becoming conscious of that facet and whenever it surfaces you should be able to curb it. By just being conscious lots can happen. You can convert your negatives into positives and vice versa. It has happened with me and is an ongoing process. Everytime I find something lacking I work upon acquiring that trait so that it adds to my personality and when I become conscious of an undesirable trait I work to overcome it, disown it.
Nature after all in its detailed understanding can be explained as sum total of all the major and minor characteristics of our personalilty. These characteristics make us think and act a certain way. And if we are able to break them up into their constituent parts we can surely and successfully bring desirable changes in our personality and consequently change our nature to a great degree.

IN THE NAME OF FITNESS

                               IN THE NAME OF FITNESS

Uff! In the name of fitness what all I didn’t try. My ears always ready to hear any tidbit about loosing those extra few (yes always a few) pounds. My eyes would come to rest on the 40 + heroines, their sexy outfits clinging to chiselled bodies. I would first google their age and then start stalking them. Their diet, fitness regimen, everything. I would make notes diligently in a diary and follow them religiously. Of course only for a day. It was more like karvachauth ka fast morning would start with enthusiasm and piety but by the evening every breath would wait for the moon to peek above the horizon. By the evening all that salad and coconut water, chia seeds and super foods would just do a disappearing act leaving me craving for that butter naan and butter chicken. 

I started with yoga in a heated room - hot yoga - they promised that the fat would simply melt out of my pores and that its a one way movement, there's no way for it to come back inside. But I realised that even a deep breath would add to my cumulative weight. Hath yoga, Iyengar yoga, power yoga, Patanjali yoga, the choice is daunting. And to top it pilates, TRX, Zumba, Tabata, aerobics, calisthenics, HIIT, strength training and I am sure these will spawn plenty more to keep me bewildered. After much contemplation and consternation I put on my 10000/- ka Adidas jogging shoes and went for a walk. 

And then I discovered the superfoods. Firstly it took me a bit of time to comprehend what would a superfood do- make me Wonder Woman. Goji berries, avocado, kale, oats, quinoa, blue berries, broccoli the names daunting and taste wanting , not pocket friendly either! Guess being Wonder Woman was going to be an expensive affair. A week's purchase burnt a hole, the size of a melon, in my pocket and made me google Indian superfoods. Desi ghee, turmeric, jowar and bajra, amla, Dalia,coconut, makhanaas. Now we were talking! It was time to stitch that hole back.

After much google research I realised that the best fitness is when all the love, blessings, goodwill and peace fit together in your life. Its the ability to be gentle and good to oneself and to others. Staying healthy , happy and humble should not be a battle but an integral part of our journey. After all we have but one life to live (even if you believe in the karmic cycle you don’t know what you will be in your next life. There are no carry forwards darling)! 

HAIR TODAY

ITS RED!!


Yesterday I took the plunge and accepted the dare my children had posed to me. They had been very keen that I get something done to my hair and get a tattoo. The latter is still in the pipeline and I haven't taken a call on it but the first one is a done deed!
Yes I got red highlights done on my hair. I chose the colour not just because its one of my favourite colours but also because it denotes vibrancy and freshness. Its the colour of energy, its the colour of rejuvenation, its the colour of our life blood, its the colour of positivity and in some cultures including Indian its auspicious.
I am at that stage in my life where I am secure in my status and my positioning - both familial and professional. I have nothing to prove to anyone anymore. Those who matter know me by now. Those who don't - well can't waste any more of my precious time on bringing them to my side. Now is the time for me to internalise my thoughts and externalise my personal goals and run after them.
My hair job is just a reminder to myself that its ok to want certain things in life which might not be widely acceptable and may be going against the expected modes of conduct. As long as I am not advertently harming anyone its good to be ME!
Its time to give a fresh start to old buried dreams with my flaming hair trailing behind!!

                              APOCALYPSE NOW!

The world seems to have reached a turning point where it will seize to exist the way we know it. The last ice age happened 2.6 million years ago. We see it in films and comprehend its severity through recorded, assimilated and collated data. But as I read the newspapers and watch television news a sense of foreboding engulfs me. My deepest fears tell me that we have accelerated the process of another ice age like situation, may be even worse! Indiscriminate exploitation of everything that Earth offers while maintaining a delicate balance achieved over millions of years of transition and evolution has brought us to the brink from where there will be no return. Its like the collision of the fateful Titanic with the iceberg. Moving ahead full throttle it did not get the time to steer clear of the icy obstacle consigning it to its watery grave. We too are now at the brink and I think the speed with which the developing economies want to race ahead and the developed want to be still in the lead we will not be able to brake well in time.

The recent spurt in natural disasters and the manic fluctuation of the climate are signals enough. But majority of us are looking away deliberately in the hope that if we do not look the monster of our own making in the eye it will somehow disappear and it will be business as usual. But sadly this time around it will not just go to sleep, it will turn and plunge the earth into a darkness where living beings will have no place. 

Mother Nature will reset its evolutionary clock and all species will pay the price including us humans. Mr Trump will be long gone by then so his proclamations of climate change hoax would not be countered by the apocalypse which the next generation will surely face.